


Hellmouth High Schools Don't Have Reunions

by MoragMacPherson



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Crossover, Episode: s02e03 School Reunion, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-28
Updated: 2010-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-09 18:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 15,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoragMacPherson/pseuds/MoragMacPherson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if 'School Reunion' took place at Sunnydale High School?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Can't Be Right

**Author's Note:**

> Response to a challenge from Winterd: What if School Reunion took place at Sunnydale High? Thus, time-line wise, this is an alternate for 'School Reunion' in season two of Doctor Who, in the Buffy-verse it's after 'Homecoming' but before 'Band Candy'.

The Slayer launched the fluffy white projectile arcing into the air, and it landed ever so gently on the soft pink platform, which drew it into the waiting, hungry maw.

“Xander, you are the best distance popcorn eater ever.” Buffy tossed another kernel, snatched out of the air with consummate skill.

“Eye to mouth coordination, Buffy. Wait 'til you see where those skills get me on the baseball field. Or playing goalie in field hockey. The dentist loves me.” His next catch was a diving action, and he landed face first in the pile of pillows where Willow was surrounded by books. “Hey there, Wills, what’s taking so long? I know it’s my trig homework, but normally you’re all with the scribbling and looks of vague superiority.”

Willow kept tapping her pencil against the paper. “Hello? What’s going on Willow?”

“All of your answers are right.”

“Oh.” He paused. “Must be those new teachers. I knew they were too good to be true.”

Buffy wandered over and looked down at the paper. “We better tell Giles there’s a new demon in town. A wacky, math teaching demon.” She grabbed Xander’s shoulder. “No developing any crushes on them.”

“No." He shook his head. "No way. Never again.”

Willow whined. “But the new physics teacher’s so cute.”

Xander laid a companionable arm around her. “You don’t want to go there Willow. That way lies being eaten alive, or having your life force sucked out of you, or just becoming even more of a social pariah.”

Willow’s shoulders slumped as she sighed. “Yeah.”


	2. Mounting Problems

“I’m afraid I’m not certain what you’re getting at.” Giles continued shelving. “I’ve been keeping an eye on this new administration myself and I haven’t noticed any thing wrong or suspicious about them. And I have to say, the food in the cafeteria’s improved remarkably.”

“Yeah, none of it’s turned into snakes lately.” Xander snickered.

“But Giles, I’ve checked everyone’s homework. These new books, they’re going into way more complicated math and science than normal, and everyone’s getting the answers right.” Willow shoved a sheet of paper into his face. “Xander’s halfway to resolving Hilbert’s eleventh open problem. In the margins of his English essay!”

“Well, I should think in this climate of ever declining test scores and interest by young people in maths and sciences that you of all people would be happy to see this. Not to mention that our research sessions have been going much easier lately.” Giles kept moving away.

Buffy planted herself in front of him. “Giles, I don’t care if this gets us all into Harvard, there’s got to be some mojo going on. And I don’t like unknown mojo. It’s never good mojo.”

“Buffy, please. We have much larger concerns than Xander’s improving grades.”

“And mine!”

“Don’t you think this is just you being self-defeating? I understand that you’ve had to divide your attention between slaying and school work, but I’ve always known you’re all very bright.” Giles’ gaze lingered on Xander for a moment, but he stopped his head from shaking. “Just take this as something positive that allows you to concentrate on the Hellmouth and your duties and frees you from being so concerned about graduating.”

The bell rang, and the trio scooped their books off the table. “This isn’t finished Giles.”

“I can’t possibly comprehend why, but fine. I’ll look into any math demons I can find in the literature, but it sounds far-fetched at best.”

Once out the door, Xander and Willow turned to Buffy, and all three whispered, “They’ve gotten to him.”

“Yup.” Buffy looked around. “I’ve got English next with Mr. Nash, if he was a demon I'd have slayed him by now. How about you?”

“American History with same old Mrs. Weinheimer,” replied Xander with a shudder.

“Physics with the new guy.” Willow smiled, but it quickly faded. “Stupid cute demon people-eating teachers.”

“Okay, let’s see if we can figure out what we’re dealing with. Strike up a conversation with him if you have to, but don’t let them know we’re on to them. And let Oz and Cordelia know.” Buffy paused and turned to Willow. “At least let Oz know.” Xander scowled and Willow snorted.

“Will do. He’s in that new advanced computing class next.”


	3. Went to School and I Was Very Nervous

Willow eyed the teacher, poking her palm with the point of her pencil. _No bad thoughts, no bad thoughts, don’t want to be eaten by the math demon._ But she found herself smiling dreamily at him while he interrogated Harmony about string theory. _Definite mind control powers. Down girl!_

“And Willow, if you were going to open a trans-dimensional gateway, how would you go about it?”

“Well, I could use a superconductor to provide an electrical charge and cause a quark cascade, or I could just use a Pharamond crystal and some sage.” _Whoops! Did that come out? Evil mind control math mojo!_

The teacher, Mr. Smith, rocked back on his heels. “Excuse me, what did you say?”

“Nothing. Superconductors! Quarks! Nice quarks, I like bottoms.” Her blush deepened as the class laughed. “And tops.” Another roar of laughter. “Strange and charm are nice too,” she muttered.

Mr. Smith’s eyes bugged out a bit. “Yes, yes they are. Miss Rosenberg was it?”

“Yes sir.”

“After class please.” At the oohs and hoots he glared at the class over his glasses. “None of that. Now I want you all for a very special assignment tonight to look up the Poincarre conjecture. Any of you solve it, no more homework for the rest of the year.” The bell rang. “Thank you very much, get out!” The class emptied out of the room, with many meaningful glances at Willow, who attempted to melt into her chair before remembering the invisible girl and just wallowing in misery.

Mr. Smith removed his glasses and sat on his desk, legs swinging back and forth. “‘A Pharamond crystal and sage,’ you said?”

“Something like that.” Willow deliberately began packing her bag. “I have class after this.”

“Which one?”

“Calculus.”

“Oooh, bad idea. Better just stick with me.” He pushed off the desk and locked the door to the classroom, closing the blinds.

“You’re not going to eat me, are you, c-cause I’m not, I’m a bad, I um, my cholesterol is high and it’ll clog your veins too and my hair’s just gonna get caught in your teeth.” Willow held her bag in front of her bodied and let out a soft, “Eep.”

Mr. Smith’s eyes widened and Willow justified to herself that if she had to be eaten by a teacher, at least she was being eaten by this one. “Why would you think I was going to eat you?”

“That’s kind of what evil demon teachers do.”

He coughed. “Get many evil demon teachers around here, do you?”

“Well, Hellmouth, it happens. I just can’t believe I’m gonna get eaten before Xander. Always thought it was going to be Xander.”

He leaned against a shelf. “I’d leave that bet on the table. I’m not a demon, and I’m not going to eat you.”

Oh, this is almost worse than getting eaten. “You’re not a demon? Because I was sort of making all of that Hellmouth stuff up then. I’m not crazy. I have a little trouble making my mouth not say all the words that come into my brain, but that’s not crazy, it’s endearing to some people and wow, um, I should go.”

Mr. Smith shook his head and crossed his arms. “No, no, hold up. Demons, Hellmouth, all sorts of strange energy, that actually makes sense.”

“Does it? Good. Still not crazy. Are you?”

“Maybe a little.” He cocked his head at her and clucked his tongue. “But you act like those things are normal, and yet you still think something suspicious is going on. What have you noticed?”

“Well, no offense, but Harmony’s an air head. She thinks Stephen Hawking was in the last Adam Sandler movie. And she’s not the only one. My friends, I normally have to help them, y’know, just keep their heads above water, and all of a sudden they’re working on P versus NP, and there’s all these new teachers and Giles is acting all funny.” Willow finally stopped herself. “And you get all talking in your pretty English accent and your amazing physics knowledge and you smile at me and get me off my guard and-and w-who are you and w-what have you noticed?”

“Just a concerned party. You can call me the Doctor. I can tell you, you’re right, there’s something very strange going on here. And I have a sneaking suspicion that very strange around here is strange enough to give me some serious concern.”

“And-and how do I know you’re telling the truth about not being a demon, Mister, um, Doctor man?”

He smiled at her. “I dunno. I didn’t try to eat you, but that’s hardly proof of anything. How do you know?”

Willow froze, then went through her pack. “Hold on one second, I’ve done this before.” She found the little pentacle and dangled it towards him. “Goddess Hecate, this figure before me today, let his false form fall away.” The charm stirred in sudden wind, and to Willow’s surprise, Hecate herself appeared before her, raven-haired and resplendent in a flowing white gown. The goddess ignored Willow initially, walking around the Doctor, who accepted this turn of events with only a slightly loose jaw.

“Well that’s just cheating.” Hecate humphed, folded her hands and spun to face Willow. “I’d love to do it dear, but the man just happens to have a whole bunch of true forms. This one is as good as any.”

Willow collected herself and curtsied. “Well, thank you for trying Goddess.”

“It was my pleasure.” She winked at the Doctor and began to disappear.

“Oh wait, sorry could you tell me if he’s a demon or not?”

“No, he’s not a demon. Not human either. You’re on your own with this one, I’ve got no jurisdiction. Keep up the practice, little witch.” And with a last echoing laugh, she was gone.

“Sorry, she doesn’t normally appear when I invoke her.”

The Doctor's jaw snapped shut. “I see.”

“I’m gonna faint now.”

“Oh, don’t do that.” He still moved towards her, which was a good thing.

“Too late.” Willow fell into his arms and the blackness within.


	4. The Visions That I See Believe in Me

Buffy and Xander raced through the halls and bumped into each other in the lounge. “She’s not anywhere!”

“Have you checked outside yet Xander?”

“No. I did tell Cordy not to go to the library today. But I can’t find Oz either.”

“When’s the full moon?” Buffy strode towards the courtyard.

“I dunno, Willow keeps track of that. Soon.” Xander tore at his hair and stood on his tiptoes to scan the crowd like a meerkat. “Oh crap.”

“What?! I can’t see.” Buffy bounced up.

“On the fountain, lying with her head in the new teacher’s lap. And a lunch lady?” Xander squinted. “A new young really hot lunch lady? My world outlook has just shifted dramatically.”

Buffy pulled him forward. “Probably a new hot evil lunch lady. At least she hasn’t been eaten yet. But with Giles on the wrong side, we really can’t afford to lose Willow.” They pushed through the crowd until they met with their friend and her captors. “Hi! Willow, where have you been? We’ve been looking all over. We get so worried.” Buffy smiled at the evil demon teacher and his lunch lady minion. “Did she forget to breathe again? She gets talking, you know how she gets, we can take care of this, happens all the time.” Buffy and Xander went to pull Willow up, but she swatted their hands away weakly.

“Not bad guys. Buffy, Xander, meet the Doctor and Rose. They think something’s rotten on the Hellmouth too.”

Xander laughed. “Sure they do. Don’t you just love it when she starts telling those Hellmouth stories? Seriously, let’s get going Willow, lots of uh, school work to do.”

Willow glared. “I mean it.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow. “You know about the Hellmouth?”

“Well, we knew something was up. All sorts of weird energy being sucked up into space, and of course, he gets us sucked straight in.” Rose stood to face Buffy and Xander. “The Hellmouth thing is sort of new, but we've noticed a lot of strange behavior. We’re here to help.”

“And I’m here to accept.” Xander offered her a hand, which she shook loosely to his grinning delight.

Buffy shook her head. “So if you’re here to help, any ideas about what’s going on or why my- my Giles is acting like he’s all possibly evil?”

The Doctor looked up and Buffy took a step back. “We’re not quite sure. Learning all sorts of new things today. Willow introduced me to a goddess who pinched my bottom. But she seemed to think this problem wasn’t mystical.” The Doctor cocked his head. “And it never even occurred to me that it might be. Funny how that works.”

Buffy looked down at her friend who seemed entirely too content to continue to lie in the Doctor’s lap. “You called up a goddess? Go Willow!”

“Didn’t mean to, just meant to make sure I wasn’t gonna get eaten. He’s not a demon.” A small smile appeared on her face. “Then I sort of passed out. And then I was here.”

“She’ll be right as rain in a minute.” The Doctor pushed a lock of hair out of her face and Willow sighed.

Rose coughed. “I thought you didn’t believe in magic or gods.”

“Just because I don't believe in them doesn’t mean they don’t believe in me. There must be an explanation.”

“Ah, the explanation portion of the meeting. This is going to be good, I can tell.” Xander sat down.

Buffy put her hands on her hips with an indulgent grin. “Do tell, was it a gas leak? Hallucinogenic mold in the vents?”

Rose watched them with an open mouth. “Err, I think, I mean, are these demons just aliens or a temporal rift or something?”

“Ooh, aliens, I’ve never heard that one!" Xander clapped his hands.

"Demons, no, those are unbelievable, but aliens, let’s all jump off a completely different rocker.” Buffy waved her arms in the air. “This is a waste of time. There’s two freshmen missing since this Monday and they haven’t popped up in the morgues, plus we can’t find Oz, and do you know when the full moon’s going to be?”

Willow sat up. “Can’t find Oz? Full moon’s not till next week, but where could he have gone? Eaten Oz is bad Oz.”

“I agree.” The group turned to find Oz standing on the steps above the fountain. “The computer class went long.” He frowned. “It was weird.”

“How weird?” Buffy stepped forward.

“Just, weird. I can't exactly remember.” Willow scooted away from the Doctor and went to join her boyfriend, who took her hand.

“Hi I’m the Doctor.” He waved at Oz. “Why are you lot so concerned about the full moon?”

“It’s a thing.” Oz shrugged.

“Oh no, not another werewolf,” muttered Rose. The students all turned to her with shocked looks, including an eyebrow arch from Oz. “What?”

“So demons no, aliens yes, and yes on werewolves?” Buffy counted them off on her fingers. “Now I’m confused.”

The Doctor stood. “So am I. Is there anyplace we can go to sort this out?”

Buffy looked him up and down and then all the way back up. “The library's out. Giles has gone of the weird," she added to Oz. She sighed. "Willow, you think we can trust them?”

“I’m remarkably uneaten. He gets my vote.” Willow gave a thumbs up.

"They seem like nice enough UFO kooks to me," added Xander, winking at Rose.

“We _are_ short one British mentor,” mentioned Oz.

“Okay, my house it is.” Buffy poked a finger. “But there’s going to be answers.”

The Doctor rocked back. “Sure thing.” The Scoobies marched forward, the Doctor and Rose hanging back.

“She’s a bossy little thing, that Buffy” sniffed Rose.

“Used to being obeyed no less. Well, the TARDIS couldn’t identify the energy coming out of that rift, Hellmouth, whatever, and it’s messing with all of my sensors. I'm willing to listen.” The Doctor discretely pointed the sonic screwdriver out. “The whole place is completely overloaded with power, and that boy is definitely a werewolf.”

Rose poked him in the side. “Or are you just jealous? You let her lie in your lap an awful long time.”

“Oh come now. She simply went and fainted on me after that goddess-entity-thing appeared. She," he paused for emphasis, "is a child,” he concluded with a finger wave.

“Oi, she’s only two years younger than me!”

Buffy called back. “You guys coming or not?” The pair shrugged and started moving.

“Did the goddess really pinch your bum?” whispered Rose.

“Rose,” scolded the Doctor, but she just smirked and skipped ahead. "Don't you get any ideas!"


	5. I Can Tell That We Are Gonna Be Friends

Rose caught up to the boy Xander. “So, demons huh?”

“Yep. Demons, vampires, giant bug women, we’ve got it all, but y’know, the Chamber of Commerce doesn’t like to brag.” He stepped in front of her and started walking backwards. “Aliens, though, that’s new and exciting and possibly very scary. Do you have a spaceship?”

Rose craned her neck, but the Doctor was distracted in conversation with Buffy about where the vampires came from. “Yeah, we do.”

Xander’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”

“Yep. Not just a spaceship, either. It’s also a time machine.”

Xander stopped and she kept on walking past him. After a few seconds he was back at her side. “Can I get a ride? Does it have like, lasers?”

Rose laughed. “It’s not that kind of spaceship. As for a ride, you’ll have to talk to him.”

Xander looked the Doctor over. “So he’s a-“

“Alien, yeah.”

Xander put his hands in his pockets as he walked. “That’s kind of a disappointment. He looks just like us.” He coughed. “So you and him and your crew…”

“No, just us. And I’m totally human, by the way.”

“Oh, wow. But you said time travel, so from when?”

Rose shook her head. “The not-too-distant future. You’re taking this awfully well.”

“I’m a comic book geek who lives on a Hellmouth, it’s all part of the job and that is totally not how I wanted to introduce myself to you.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Hi, I’m Xander Harris, I’m the donut-fetching arm of Earth’s sole defense against the demons of the Hellmouth.” He winced. “That doesn’t work either.”

“Well, it sounds exciting to me. And I’m Rose Tyler, I’m nineteen years old and I travel the universe in a time machine with a nine-hundred year old alien who can change his face.” She shook his hand, firmly this time.

“It’s a pleasure. A real pleasure. I have a girlfriend.”

Rose smiled. “That’s okay.”

Xander blanched. “Oh is it? Oh, look, Buffy’s house. Here. We’re here.”

“That’s okay too.” Rose headed on into the house, leaving Xander rubbing the back of his head. Willow and Oz came up behind him.

“You have a girlfriend.” Willow poked Xander. He met her stare until she remembered their kiss before Homecoming and looked away.

“Yeah. But she has a spaceship. And that is just too cool.”

Oz smiled. “Space chick. Awesome.”


	6. When Worlds Collide

The group assembled around the island in the kitchen. Xander opened up the fridge. “Soda anyone?”

“I’d love one.” Rose caught the can flung her way, then dodged the ones tossed to Willow and Buffy. Thirsts quenched, Buffy turned her attention to the Doctor.

“So you’re an alien.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” He nodded. “Time Lord.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose. “That sounds very special. And you travel in time?”

“Correct again.”

“And you’ve never heard of the Hellmouth?”

“Nope. I’ve seen temporal rifts, traveled to alternate dimensions, defeated werewolves, and I can definitively state that I’ve never seen a Hellmouth before now. Or demons, or vampires. Not real ones anyway. Well, not ones that weren't actually aliens. Descended from demons and they turn into dust when you shove a piece of wood in their hearts? That's just weird. You say crucifixes repel them?” Buffy nodded, and the Doctor pulled at his ear. “No, like nothing I've ever dealt with before. It sounds like a storybook. So why is a bunch of teenagers responsible for protecting the world from these many and sundry dangers I’ve never heard of?”

Willow’s hand shot up. “Ooh, can I say it?” Buffy waved her hand in permission. “‘Into each generation a girl is born, a chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and skill needed to fight the vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness, stopping the swell of their numbers and the spread of their evil. She is the slayer-'“

“She’s Buffy,” finished Oz. “Well, and Faith. Long story.”

“You’re joking.” Rose looked Buffy over. “I think I could take her in a fight.” She moved forward and Xander grabbed her shoulder.

“No you can’t. Trust me on this one.”

Buffy’s nostrils flared a bit from the challenge. “Anyway. If there’s badness going on here at the Hellmouth, it’s my job to take care of it. I don’t care if it’s vampires or little green men.”

“Yeah, and what kind of little green men do you think they are? Could it be a cute and cuddly kind that just wants us to have better math skills?” Willow leaned up against the counter, closer to the Doctor, who ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m not exactly sure.”

“Then why are you so sure it’s an alien?” Buffy had planted her hands back on her hips.

“I don’t know, it’s just, normally.” He pushed his hands into the air, “It’s always aliens, it’s never demons, and this whole situation is simply impossible, and I just have this feeling that it’s aliens this time, okay?”

“They’ve possessed Giles, Doctor. My Watcher. Or they've replaced him or-“ Buffy’s voice caught, and she took a deep breath. “I need more than just a feeling about this.”

The Doctor met her gaze. “Right.” He paced for a moment. “Right. Willow, could you call that goddess, Hecate, could you summon her again?”

Willow stepped back. “I don’t know. I’d never, she never- uh, that was sort of a first for me. I could float a pencil if you wanted?”

The Doctor came up to her and took her shoulders in his hand. “Please, I need to talk to her, and no Rose, not just because she grabbed my arse. I need to know what’s going on here.” His brown eyes were so earnest and Willow found herself saying “Okay” well before she remembered that she had no idea how to do it.

“Umm, right. Goddess Hecate. Right.” She pulled out her grimoire. “Invoking, no, summoning, no, geeze. Listen, I’m not that great of a witch, maybe we should call Amy, she’s got way more experience than me.”

Oz took her hand. “It’s okay, you can do this.” Willow smiled at him, and shut her eyes.

She found the pentacle in her pocket. “Goddess Hecate, queen of the ghosts, please allow us to be your hosts.” Once again a gentle breeze entered the room, and the goddess appeared in a flash.

“Twice in one day? Consider this an indulgence.” She crossed her arms. “Your powers are growing, but if he weren’t here I wouldn’t have bothered.”

Willow croaked and pointed at the Doctor. “It was his idea.” She then hid behind Oz.

Hecate’s expression turned saccharine. “Was it then? That changes everything. What can I do for you, Time Lord?” She ran one perfect nail along the line of his jaw.

“Tell me what you are, and why there’s suddenly demons in this universe.”

Hecate pouted and drew back. “Way to cut to the chase. Fine then. For eons your people kept this dimension preserved from the gods, the demons, and the old ones. Then, one day, they weren’t there.”

The Doctor swallowed. “There was a Time War.”

Hecate grinned. “Yes, we know. And at the end, there was a hole, waiting to be filled. Much like you, Doctor, we old ones are eternal. Once the Time Lords never were, we were always here. All the things that go bump in the night. My little witch. The werewolf in front of her. That Slayer standing next to you. The vampires. The demons. All possible because you pulled the trigger. I ought to thank you.”

“That’s impossible.”

“That’s magic.” Hecate laughed. “Which of course, you know, is just knowing one extra piece of knowledge. So in thanks for making it possible, I grant you magic, Doctor. One additional piece of information.”

The Doctor looked around the room. Buffy appeared ready to strike, Xander’s jaw hung open, and Rose simply glared at the goddess. Willow was gripping Oz’s arm so hard his hand was turning white; in turn his face was inscrutable. “At the school, what are we dealing with?”

Hecate brushed an imaginary speck off of the glowing glory of her gown. “Like I said, out of my jurisdiction. These alien types, they remain your domain. Such a mundane inquiry, Lord of Time, I expected more from you.” She leaned in close. “I hope the next time you summon me, it’s a little more private.”

The Doctor locked his eyes shut. “I guess we’ll have to learn to coexist.”

“Oh, we can do so much more than that.” She sniffed his hair. “The Lonely God need not be so lonesome. We shall meet again.” In another flash, she disappeared.

Rose tapped her foot. “I really don’t like her.”

Buffy crossed her arms. “Me either.”

The Doctor’s eyes fluttered open. “She’s a very interesting lady.”

Rose’s voice raised an octave. “‘Interesting’?”

“Oi, you’re sounding like your mother.” The Doctor loosened his tie. “I didn’t realize that the Time War had left the universe open to this sort of thing. I got rid of the Daleks but let the demons in.” He gripped the counter and looked at Buffy. “I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.”

Buffy rocked back. “It’s fine. Never knew it had ever been any different. But can we focus on saving my Watcher and my school now?”

“Yeah.” The Doctor pushed off the island. “We’ll just have to go investigate.”

“Cool, we’re good at that.” Xander came up behind Rose. “What’re we looking for?”

“There were these weird oil barrels in the cafeteria,” volunteered Rose.

“We’ve got two missing bodies I’m pretty sure haven’t turned into vampires. What aliens do you know that eat people?” Buffy tilted her head.

The Doctor scowled. “It always comes back to the eating people with you lot, why is that?”

“Experience,” replied all four simultaneously.


	7. The Universe is Shaped Exactly Like the Earth

Rose observed the long shadows of the hallways. “This place is built like something out of a horror movie.”

“You’re telling us.” Xander pointed towards the Principal’s office. “That’s where Principal Flutie was eaten by a pack of students possessed by hyena spirits. We’ve already mentioned the Hellmouth under the library.”

Willow piped up, pointing. “Ooh, and look, over there, that’s where Buffy’s mom hit Spike over the head with an axe.”

“Runs in the family, does it?” The Doctor broke through between Rose and Xander. “Right then, team.” He faltered. “I hate people who use the word ‘team’.”

“Then allow me.” Buffy pushed past. “Willow, Oz, could you check out the math and science wing, that’s where most of our new teachers are. Xander, Rose, why don’t you guys go investigate the oil in the kitchen? I’ll go check out the library, see if Giles or pseudo-Giles or whatever is in there, or if he’s hiding anything.” She turned her head to look over her shoulder. “You can come with me, Doc.”

The Doctor scowled as Rose nudged him. “Don’t call me that.”

“Fine. You got a better plan?”

“Sure I do!” He swiveled on his hips. “Rose, uh, do what she said. The rest of you, the same.” He nodded at Buffy then winked at Rose. “Shall we?”

Xander led Rose toward the cafeteria, but she forged ahead. “You know your way around pretty well then?”

“Well, to the cafeteria at least. I’ve been playing dinner lady for two days now.”

Xander held a door open for her. “How did I not notice?”

Rose caught her grin. “You have a girlfriend. I know. You told me.”

“Oh, yeah. But still, I assume you have seen our lunch ladies? I would have sworn that they hand out the jowls with the uniform.” Rose was now grinning. “I guess it’s just part of the zany Hellmouth filter which makes people not notice the weirdness.”

“Funny how that works, isn’t it? And it’s not just here. Everywhere we go, no one ever notices the police box in the middle of the middle ages or in their engine room. The Doctor has this theory about how much processing power the human brain uses pretending not to see what's right in front of it. Says it’s keeping us from reaching the stars.” Rose crept over to the barrels.

Xander watched her. “So, this is all just another day in the life?”

“Don’t often meet gods, but other than that, yeah. You?”

“Aliens are new, but the same. Still, we get this kind of stuff because we live here. Seems like you guys go looking for it.” He held out his hand and she handed him the cap to the barrel.

“Better than being a shop girl. Which is what I was, y’know, before I joined up with the Doctor. Since then, I’ve met Charles Dickens, seen the end of the world, looked into the time vortex and used its power to turn the Emperor of the Daleks into dust. I mean, how do you go back after that?” She spooned some of the oil into the container in Xander’s hands.

“Sounds like a party. But if your hero’s anything like the one I joined up with, you’d better be careful. People die. A lot of the times the ones we care about.” Xander looked away.

Rose stood back up. “Is that why Buffy’s so… prickly?”

“It’s been a long year. Buffy does her best. But last spring was hard on all of us.”

Tucking the container into her bag, Rose tilted her head. “Still, now that you know, could you ever ignore it, ignore-“ She was interrupted by a shriek.

“Willow!” Xander bolted out the door, Rose directly behind him.


	8. Ever Wake Up With Bullfrogs on Your Mind?

By the time they reached the classroom, Buffy and the Doctor were already there, helping Oz to cradle a trembling Willow.

Buffy shook her head. “Frog fear strikes again.” A large troop of the amphibians hopped around the classroom. Buffy pushed the men away, picking Willow up and hauling her out of the room. The rest of the group followed her to the lounge where she laid Willow out.

Rose poked Xander, who pointed out, “She’s super-strong, remember?” He then went to stroke Willow’s arm. “You okay there, brave little toaster?”

“I- I- I-, we — we-.” Willow took a big breath. “No!”

This time the Doctor pushed the others out of the way. He placed his fingers on Willows’ temples. “Willow, look at me.” He held her head in place and as their gazes locked, she quit thrashing, calm overtaking her. “Good. The frogs are gone Willow, it’s all right.” His eyes narrowed. “Well, that was a rotten thing for Cordelia to do to you, even if she was six. And he’s dating her now?” The Doctor turned on Xander and clucked his tongue. Then he turned back to Willow, one thumb stroking the tears off her cheek. “There’s no accounting for taste.” With a smile he released her and stood.

Oz took his place, taking Willow’s hand. Buffy stared at the Doctor a moment. “So we’ve got F-R-O-Gs. At least they’re not raining from the sky.”

The Doctor shrugged. “There’s that. Aren’t they just for biology class?”

Xander shook his head. “Policy from the Flutie days. Those guys were on the menu.”

Oz arched his eyebrows. “So our aliens are French?” He got a smile from Willow for this, and she let him help her sit up.

“Any luck in the library?” asked Rose.

Buffy and the Doctor looked at each other. “We don’t know yet,” replied the Doctor.

“Didn’t quite make it there yet,” admitted Buffy. “Well, we made it there, but not in.”

Rose crossed her arms. “Why?”

“There was a dispute,” allowed the Doctor.

“It’s my Hellmouth, my Watcher, and my library, I was going in first.”

“You’ve got no experience with aliens, you don’t know what you’re walking into.”

“Enough!” Rose shouted. “Heroes,” she muttered with a roll of her eyes. “We’ll all go to the library together, and neither of you are going in first. Willow, are you set to go?”

“I’m better now, thank you.” Oz helped her up, though she still leaned into him. The group moved towards the library, Buffy and the Doctor hanging behind.

“When did Rose become the boss of me?” sniffed Buffy. The Doctor could only laugh to himself.


	9. Ugly or Pretty, It's Still My City

The library itself seemed normal, if dark and strangely deserted, as Xander commented. Rose frowned. “Why? It’s half-eight. Do you guys sleep here or something?”

Oz raised his hand. “Three days out of the month.”

Willow nodded. “Sometimes more often, depending on Hellmouth activity.”

“Right.” Rose bit her lip. “I always thought the teachers slept at school, but the only sleep I ever caught in school was in maths.”

Xander patted her shoulder. “Oh, I totally get that too.”

Buffy emerged from the cage. “No sign of Giles. His favorite crossbow is missing too.” She frowned. “He didn’t even leave a note for me to go patrolling.”

Willow looked around. “Do you think he knows we suspect him?”

Buffy groaned. “Could be.” Stamping her foot, she announced, “I don’t like this!”

The Doctor cleared his throat from behind the stacks. “I doubt you’re going to like this any better.” He extended his arm out from the shelf and beckoned the group towards him. “Quietly,” he cautioned, “Rose was on to something.”

Despite this, none of them could control their gasps. Wrinkled leathery creatures slept upside down in the stacks, their talons hooked to the ceiling, wings folded around their bodies.

“Those are aliens?” breathed Willow.

“Yes,” confirmed the Doctor. “Thirteen of them. That’s six maths teachers, five dinner ladies, the nurse and the, uh, librarian.”

Xander’s eyes widened. “You mean Giles is batman?”

The Doctor nodded. “So it would appear.” Holding his arms out he walked backwards, pushing the group back. “I don’t recognize them. We need to get that oil to the TARDIS to analyze it.”

Buffy gripped his arm. “But what about Giles? What did-“

The Doctor hushed her. “I don’t know Buffy. I need to find out what they are first.” When they reached the doors, Xander and Oz held them open then shut them slowly and silently.

Rose peeked through the windows again. “All right. That was creepy. Bat people in school and no one’s running or screaming. This is new.”

Buffy started to say something, then snapped her mouth shut. “Okay, where’s this TARDIS thing?”

The Doctor loosened his tie at her glare. “Right this way.”

Rose walked alongside Buffy. “We are actually helping you, you know. No need to keep barking at us.”

Buffy cast a sideways glance at the taller girl. “Barking?" She shook her head. "Listen, you guys come waltzing in here, and I appreciate the help, but your friend isn’t in mortal danger, mine is. And I don’t care if it’s aliens or demons, but it’s my job to protect this place. You guys will come and go, and at the end of the day, I get to live here.” She turned to the girl. “You decided to go off and have a grand adventure with an alien hottie, that’s great. I got chosen to stay here and fight the demons. To watch my friends die. To kill-“ Buffy choked on the words. “But it’s all a game to you two,” she finished.

Rose blinked, a little stunned. “It’s not a game.”

“Really? How many bodies do you leave in your path?”

“Fewer than there would be without us,” averred Rose. The rest of the gang had turned the corner.

Buffy bit her lip, and then crossed her arms. “Okay. Fine. You’ve seen the things that go bump in the night, and I know it’s impossible to turn back once you’ve experienced it. And you love him. But I’ll give you this advice-“

“I didn’t ask for it and I-“

“I’m giving it anyway.” Buffy’s face and tone softened. “Just be careful. He’s gonna get you hurt or killed.”

Rose scoffed. “How do you know that?”

“Because that’s what happens to the people _I_ love.”


	10. One is the Loneliest Number

Xander halted. “Whoa.”

Willow stood next to him. “Seconded.”

Oz circled the box and returned to the entrance. “Huh.”

The Doctor called from within the TARDIS, “You coming or not?” The three looked at each other and entered. A minute or so later Buffy and Rose followed them. Willow went up to Buffy. “It’s bigger on the inside.”

Buffy looked around and smiled. “Yeah, it is.”

Xander’s jaw hadn’t shut yet. “Wow. All my life I’ve been waiting for a spaceship. And it looks like a phone booth. But it’s a spaceship!” He spun around. “This is great. Where are the lasers? Can I pull up the shields? What about a transporter beam?”

Rose and the Doctor smiled at the four. “They’re all telling me to get away from you before you get me killed,” whispered Rose.

The Doctor blinked, but continued futzing with the oil. “They are, are they?” He watched Buffy who was failing to calm Xander and Willow down. “Pretty astute group.”

Rose stared at him. “Not you too? Doctor, you know what I’ve survived. I’m not leaving you because of some bat monsters.”

The Doctor smeared some of the oil on a slide which he stuck into the console. “No, you won’t. But how many times have you almost died because of me? How many more times are you going to be lucky?”

Rose’s eyes widened. “You can’t just drop me off. You’d have better have learned your lesson the last time.”

The Doctor sighed. “No. I’d never send you away again. Not you. But Rose, you have to know how scared I am of seeing you get killed. Or even-“

“Even what Doctor?”

The Doctor looked down. “Even if I do keep you safe, you’re human. I don’t age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and die. Imagine watching that happen to someone you l-“ the Doctor broke off, examining the read out.

“What, Doctor?”

His glassy eyes were a surprise to Rose. “You can spend the rest of your life with me... but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lords.”

Rose began to say something, but Buffy coughed behind them. “Any luck with the oil?”

The Doctor smiled at her. “Um, yeah.” He donned his spectacles while Rose went to retrieve Xander, Willow, and Oz from their explorations. “Oh no.”

“‘Oh no’? That’s not good, coming from you. What are they?” Buffy tried to read the monitor, but none of the words made any sense to her.

“They’re Krillitanes.”

“Is that bad?” asked Xander. The group now circled the Doctor at the console.

“Oh, take as bad as you can imagine, and add another whole suitcase of bad.”

“Even with this audience?” inquired Oz.

The Doctor removed his glasses and nodded. “They’re a composite species.”

Willow and Oz nodded, but the other three had blank expressions. “Just like your culture is an composite culture, bits of English and Irish and Norman and Roman all mixed together, the Krillitanes are the same. Except the Krillitane travel the universe, picking up physical bits and pieces of the species they conquer. That’s why I didn’t recognize them, the last time I saw them they looked just like us, except with really long necks.”

Willow frowned. “But if they’ve already decided to look like something else-“

“Giant bats!” exclaimed Xander.

“Yes, giant bats. But if they’ve decided to look like that, then what are they doing here?”

The Doctor’s expression turned aghast. “It’s something to do with the school. It’s something to do with you kids.”

Buffy pushed off the console and turned about. “Then it’s something I have to stop.” She swung the doors open. “Doctor?”

“Yes?”

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

The Doctor chuckled. “Oh, yeah, whoops, I shifted us outside, figured we’d be safer outside of the school.”

“And you thought Shady Oaks cemetery sounded safer?”

The Doctor paused, then swallowed. “Um, yes, well, possibly.”

“Yup.” Buffy popped her lips on the p. “Willow, could you find something to make a stake out of?”

“Sure thing Buffy.” As Willow spoke the words, Buffy rolled out of the TARDIS, slamming the doors shut behind her.

“Stake? Something wood?” Willow asked the Doctor, casting her eyes around the decidedly unorganic interior of the control room.

“Right.” He dragged Willow into the back corridors, leaving Xander, Oz, and Rose in the control room.

“She’s out there, fighting vampires, right now?” Rose’s voice was low and hesitant.

“That’s right,” confirmed Xander.

Rose looked at the door. “Does she need our help?”

Oz shook his head. “Not really.”

Xander took Rose’s hand and led her toward the doors as Oz followed. Pushing through the door, Xander elaborated, “Vampire slaying is really more of a spectator sport for us non-superhumans- no offense Oz.”

"None taken."

Rose watched a body fly through the air after Buffy kicked it, slamming spine-first into a tombstone. To her surprise it jumped back up, its features distorted, lumpy, and hideous. Its yellow eyes turned on her, and it rushed towards her. Rose froze for a moment, before kicking the TARDIS doors shut and moving to her left. Unfortunately, Xander was trying to pull her to the right, so they both wound up flat on their backs. The creature was almost on top of her when it was hauled back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Buffy grasped the beast by the collar and punched it hard. “Is that stake coming anytime soon?”

The doors burst open again. “Here you go Buffy!” Willow tossed the stake to the Slayer, who dispatched the vampire, which disintegrated before Rose’s eyes.

Xander screamed, “Behind you!” A second vampire rushed Buffy, who rolled under it. They scuffled on the ground for a few seconds, until Buffy backhanded him, giving her enough time to hop to her feet. She snorted.

“I can still smell that nasty perfume Schneider and Sons douses their coffins with. You haven’t been out of the grave ten minutes, and you think you’re going to kill yourself a slayer?”

“Slayer,” the vampire growled, but with a questioning tone.

“Oh, you’ll find out.” She ran towards him, flattening him with a single kick, on the ground, she pinned him, and with a slash and a poof, the vampire was gone. Buffy stayed on her knees, for a moment, breathing.

Rose pushed herself up. “Those were vampires.”

“Yes, those were vampires,” breathed Buffy.

“You okay there Buffy?” asked Willow.

“First one caught me by surprise, that’s all, he had a knife at the start of the fight.” She looked around. “I should grab that before some kid finds it.” She rose to her feet, catching her breath, and Rose saw the puncture in the stomach of her shirt. “I’ll be fine,” insisted Buffy, looking up at the Doctor.

“What are you?” he asked, voice soft and eyes wide.

“I’m the Slayer." She tilted her head. "What are you?”

“I’m the last of the Time Lords.”

Buffy smiled, and offered him her hand, her other keeping pressure on her side. “Nice to meet you.”

They shook.

Unnoticed in the shadows of a crypt, something that looked like Giles hissed, “Time Lord.”


	11. Her Man's Been Gone

Buffy and the Doctor led the way into Sunnydale High School, the others trailing behind them. Cordelia caught sight of them and ran over, grabbing Xander’s hand, pulling him away from Rose. “Where the heck have you guys been? And who’s this?” she asked with a scowl, looking Rose up and down before lingering on her roots.

Xander grimaced. “Cordelia, meet Rose and the Doctor. Rose, Doctor, meet my girlfriend.”

Rose’s glare was unfortunately wasted on Cordelia. “Nice to finally meet you,” she gritted out with a plastic smile. The Doctor nodded, looking around the courtyard.

“So what’s going on? What’s the new big bad? You never called me back last night.”

“Giant bat aliens, your librarian friend’s been taken by them, they’re plotting something in the school, we’re gonna take care of it.” Rose ticked the points off on her fingers. “And don’t worry, he was with me last night.” She winked at Xander and turned away.

“Anyway!” Xander began pulling Cordelia along, as the group resumed its stride, until Buffy turned around just outside the doors.

“Xander was with all of us last night Cordelia, don't worry. Now, okay, Willow, Rose and Oz, you guys need to go to the computer labs, figure out what’s going on in them, figure out what these Krillitons are doing.” Willow saluted and Oz nodded.

The Doctor corrected her under his breath, “Krillitanes." He reached into his jacket. "Here, you may need this.” The Doctor withdrew his screwdriver and gave it to Rose. “Xander and, sorry, what was your name?”

Cordelia sized up the other new arrival with a certain amount of pleasure. “Cordelia.”

“Cordelia, you two need to work crowd control. Keep an eye out, let us know if anything weird is going on.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes. “Like anyone in this school ever notices something weird. But we’ll warn the sheep if the uber-weird starts.”

The Doctor smiled. “Good then.”

“And run distraction on Snyder, if you can,” added Buffy.

“Where are you two going?” asked Willow.

Buffy's smile turned nasty. “We’re going to find Giles.”

The crew broke up, leaving Cordelia and Xander standing in the courtyard. “So-“

“Little bottle-blonde British chick?!” hissed Cordelia.

“Well, yeah-“ Cordelia turned away from him.

“I am not happy.”

“Okay.” Xander turned away from her, crossing his arms.

After a few minutes, Cordy cleared her throat. “So the Doctor-“

Xander smirked. “He’s an alien.”

“Oh.” Silence reigned for a few moments. “But he looks, kinda nice.”

“Does he? I didn’t notice.”

Cordelia snorted. “Of course you didn’t.” She smiled. “I like an English accent, like, y’know, James Bond or something.”

Xander turned back to her, “Well, y’know wee lassie-“

Cordelia put a finger on his lips. “Don’t.” He caught her hand as she withdrew it, and they smiled at each other, everything set back to rights. “So bad roots girl, she and the Doctor-“

“Travel together. In his spaceship. We got to go inside it.” Xander grinned, then frowned.

“What?” Cordelia looked around.

“We’ve been standing outside, in the courtyard, not going to class for ten minutes now. Why isn’t Snyder harassing us?” The courtyard stood sunny, cheerful, and terrifyingly empty save for the pair.

Cordelia shuddered. “I don’t see the little toad anywhere.” She then froze. “Is he right behind me?”

Xander shook his head. “No. Something’s wrong. We should go check this out.”

Her eyes widened, and she gagged a bit. “We actually have to go looking for him?”

Xander slung his arm around her waist. “I know. Maybe we’ll just find pieces.”

“One can hope.”


	12. A Madman With a Nervous Twitch

The Doctor and Buffy slipped into the library, to find Giles leaning against one of the stacks, leafing through a book.

“Who are you and what have you done with Giles?” Buffy’s voice rang through the silence of the room.

“Ah, Miss Summers, ever direct and to the point. My name is Brother Lassa. Your librarian is safe, I assure you.”

“I don’t take assurances. I take revenge.”

He clucked his tongue. “And such poor manners, you haven’t even bothered to introduce your companion.” Lassa slammed his book shut, replacing it with care on the shelf before returning his attention to the others.

“I’m the Doctor. Since when did Krillitanes have wings?”

“It's been our form for nearly ten generations, now. Our ancestors invaded Bessan. The people there had some rather lovely wings. They made a million widows in one day, just imagine.” A grin that Buffy had never seen Giles’ make appeared on his face.

The Doctor moved towards the counter. “But you’ve chosen to appear human.”

“Ah, yes. Well, when you choose to work a plan in such close proximity to a predator like the Slayer, it’s best to work incognito, and also to carry some insurance.”

“If you’ve touched one hair-“

“Miss Summers, if he were dead, he’d hardly be insurance." When Lassa's attention was on the Doctor, Buffy felt like she'd turned invisible. "My brothers remain in bat form. What you see is a simple morphic illusion. Scratch the surface and you’ll find the true Krillitane beneath.”

The Doctor gave Buffy’s arm a reassuring squeeze, then he and Lassa began circling each other. The Krillitane spoke again.

“And what of the Time Lords? I always thought of you as such a pompous race. Ancient, dusty senators, so frightened of change and... chaos. And of course - they're all but extinct. Only you. The last.”

The Doctor deflected the question. “This plan of yours, what is it?”

Lassa paused. “You don’t know?”

Buffy and the Doctor exchanged looks. “That’s why he asked.” Buffy sniffed. “Let me guess, it involves the Hellmouth?”

Lassa shook his head. “She’s so cute, so direct, so primitive, don’t you think? The Slayers that the so-called Wise Men of this race created as their first defense against evil are like nothing so much as a cudgel with a nail stuck through it.”

Buffy’s nostrils flared, “The cudgel is standing right here.”

Lassa widened his grin. “Yes you are. But I’m afraid dear that the Hellmouth is incidental to our plans.” Lassa returned his attention to the Time Lord. “You on the other hand, are so terribly clever. Why don’t you work it out?”

The Doctor’s eyes flashed. “If I don’t like it, it will stop.”

Lassa sized the Doctor up. “Fascinating. Your people were peaceful to the point of indolence. You seem to be something new. Would you declare war on us, Doctor?”

“If he won’t, I will.” Buffy couldn’t bring herself to approach the two aliens.

“Muzzle your hound, Doctor.”

The Doctor’s gaze never wavered. “Why? You'd be far better off with her. I’m so old now. I used to have so much mercy.” Finally, Lassa looked towards Buffy, this battle lost. “You get one warning,” the Doctor stated, turning, “That was it.” He took Buffy’s arm. “We’re off.”

“But we’re not even enemies. Soon, you will embrace us.”

Buffy lunged back, “Oh, if that’s what you think-” but the Doctor held her arm in a firm grip.

“Come along Buffy.” The Doctor turned back as he pushed her through the door, to see Lassa extending his hand.

“The next time we meet, you will join us.”

Without a reply, the Doctor left the library. Buffy promptly punched him in the jaw. “Ow!” The Doctor landed in the next bank of lockers.

“‘Come along?!’” Buffy pulled the Doctor up. “Never do that again.” She marched down the corridor.

“Right.” He rubbed his jaw and followed her. “Kind of like a cudgel.”


	13. I Never Knew it Could Be So Strange

Oz stepped into the classroom. “Free this period.” He sniffed. “No one hiding in here. We’re good.”

Rose wrinkled her nose. “That’s weird.”

“No it’s not.” Willow brushed some imaginary lint off of Oz’s shoulders. “It’s useful and endearing.”

Rose sighed. “No, not like that. I mean - look at you. A witch and a werewolf. And just last week, the Doctor and me, we-“ she broke off, putting her hand in front of her lips to try to push the words back inside.

Willow started booting up one of the computers. “'You and the Doctor' what?”

Oz looked Rose over. “You killed a werewolf, right?”

“Um, yes.” Rose winced. “Sorry.”

Oz shrugged. “It was kill or be killed, probably, right?” Rose nodded. “It happens.” Oz pulled up a chair and looked over Willow’s shoulder.

Rose stood behind them. “But, how can you, how do you just accept things like that?”

Willow began investigating the new system. “Oh, live on a Hellmouth a few years, you get used to things. You see friends get killed, you learn that werewolves aren’t evil and are actually really good kissers, you find out that vampires with souls can be your friend, and then you find out they can lose their souls and they put all of your tropical fish on a string in an envelope on your bed for you to find.” Oz placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Basically, the lines of good and evil move around a lot in our lives. You killed one werewolf because you had to, that’s okay.”

“Just don’t make a habit of it,” added Oz. “Willow, check out the network server.”

“Yeah, that’s new.” Willow clicked and got a password prompt.

“Wossat?” Rose leaned in.

“Well, it’s a network server, apparently connected to every computer in the school. It must be new. Miss Calendar really wanted to install one, but Snyder never gave her the money.” Willow opened another program.

“And who are those people?”

“Snyder is the principal of the school, who’s strangely MIA this week.” Willow bit her lip as she concentrated.

Oz stood and looked around the room for a server cabinet. “Miss Calendar was our old computer teacher. She, uh, was killed last year.”

“Is this the bad stuff last spring you people keep not telling me about?” Rose took Oz’s seat.

“Uh, yeah.” Willow persisted in not explaining it. “Oz, how long do you think brute-forcing a 37 digit alphanumeric will take a 200 megahertz Pentium?”

Oz leaned his head against a closet door. “Oh, I’m not sure. Three weeks, or would that be years? How much memory do we have?”

Willow pushed back from the desk. “Doesn’t matter. We’re going to have to figure out a different way.”

Rose dangled the sonic screwdriver in front of her. “Here we go.”

Willow examined the device. “What’s that?”

“Sonic screwdriver.” Rose enunciated the name clearly, unconsciously imitating the old Doctor.

“And that can solve a 37 digit alphanumeric password by what, cleaning the computer’s teeth?” Willow frowned.

Rose adjusted the settings. “Don’t know ‘bout teeth, but it’s very good at opening things.” She applied the screwdriver to the computer, and within a few seconds, the server files were open.

Willow’s jaw hung ajar. “That’s not just sonic. How does it work?”

“No idea. It’s sonic. That’s what he tells me, that’s what I know.”

Oz held out his hand and Rose handed it to him. He pressed a few buttons, then pointed it at the cabinet he’d been banging his head against earlier. The doors popped open, and the server racks were revealed. “I want one,” he announced.

Rose held her hand out and he surrendered it. “You’ll have to take that up with the Doctor. He’s a little attached to it. I was stunned he gave it up to me.” Her cheeks reddened. “The sonic-screwdriver that is.”

Willow gave her a sly smile. “Sure it is. So do you know what this stuff is?” The screen flooded with green symbols.

Rose shook her head. “Nothing. It means nothing to me.”

Oz peered at the screen. “I’ve seen some of these symbols. Remember when we researched Acathla?”

“Ooh, you’re right.” Willow pointed. “That one’s definitely in a couple of the old demon books.”

“Can you read them?” Rose gave the seat back to Oz.

“No.” Oz slowly pointed out an icon on the toolbar, and Willow gasped. “Oh no.”

“What, what’s wrong?”

“This program’s running on the entire server.” Willow clicked open a new window and read. “On over six hundred computers. That’s more than half the school. When did we get over six hundred computers?” Oz shook his head, not knowing. “And does this mean what I think it means?”

Oz read the command lines. “They’ve locked down the school.”

Rose’s eyes widened. “We’re trapped?” The pair nodded. Just then Buffy and the Doctor arrived in the lab.

Buffy looked at their stunned faces. “What? What’s going on?”

Rose reacted first, indicating his jaw. “Doctor, you’ve got a bruise.”

“Oh, yeah.” He, shrugged and tilted his head from side to side. “Minor disagreement. We’re past that now.” Buffy’s eye roll belied this statement. “Anything else?”

“The Krillitanes have locked us all in and jacked most of the students into this.” Willow pushed back from the desk, inviting the Doctor to examine the screen. “Any idea?”

The Doctor pulled out his glasses. “Oh my. Oh dear.”

Buffy leaned in to peer at the screen. “What?”

The Time Lord didn't notice her comment, muttering under his breath. The only words the rest of them could discern was, “They wouldn’t.”

“Apparently they would,” countered Oz. The Doctor blinked and looked up at him, drawn out of his hyper-concentration.

Rose took his arm. “What is it Doctor?”

“It’s the Skasis paradigm. They’re using this place to crack the Skasis paradigm.”

“The Skasis-what?” Buffy turned her head upside down at the screen, but it still didn’t make any more sense to her.

“It’s the God-maker, and not just little witch-gods, but the big omnipotent kind.” The Doctor ran a hand through his hair. “The Skasis paradigm is the theory of everything, and not just that, the theory of sub-atomic manipulation. Figure out that equation, and the rules of the universe are yours to bend at will. Time and space and matter, yours to control.”

Willow nodded. “And the Krillitanes are using the students as a kind of independent floating point?”

“Yes, exactly. The oil greases the neurons, works as a conducting agent, accelerates your thinking, makes you lot all cleverer.” The Doctor stood up straight.

Rose folded her arms. “But why use them? Why not go to some school with the hyper-smart?” She held up a hand. “No offense.”

The three students smiled. “None taken.”

The Doctor took off his spectacles, a look of horror dawning upon his face. “It’s not just your brains. It’s your imaginations. Endless creativity.”

Buffy smirked. “Well, it takes a lot to keep on denying the supernatural.”

But the Doctor was looking off into space. “They’re using your very souls to pull this off.”

On the word “soul” Buffy’s face hardened. “Well then, we can’t have that.”

“But we’re only borrowing them.” The group spun around to see Brother Lassa leaning against the door jamb wearing an expression of triumph on Giles’ face. He folded his hands in front of him, and addressed the group, but especially the Doctor. “Let the lesson begin.”


	14. School Days Insane

As they moved through the school, unimpeded by hall monitors or counselors or teachers with free periods, Cordelia and Xander looked into the classrooms they passed by. The distinct lack of faculty presence continued, while all of the students typed furiously. "When did every class turn into a computer lab? And where did the rest of the teachers go?" Cordelia ducked back down.

"Don't know. Must be part of the terrible plot." Xander pulled her along, and they arrived at the principal's office.

“Hello?” The word echoed through the empty administrative office. Cordelia moved stiffly forward. “Mrs. Stinson?”

“‘Mrs. Stinson?’” mouthed Xander.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. “She’s the main secretary, she got me an exception to get a parking pass sophomore year after I 'found' her new Tiffany bracelet.” Cordelia moved around the desk. “No one here.”

Xander drummed his fingers on the counter. “This is bad. This is very bad.” He eyed Principal Snyder’s door. “Do we go in?”

“Just a second.” Cordelia ran her finger along the desk calendar. “Looks like all the teachers got called to a special staff meeting this morning. Room 237.” She stood, staring at the door with Xander. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed his hand. “Let’s do this.”

“Right.” They moved forward, and Xander rapped once on the door, to no response. Sharing a glance with Cordy, he tried the handle, and the door swung open with a creak.

“His closet’s shaking,” pointed out Cordelia.

Xander nodded. “Yeah, I can see that.”

Cordelia looked back at the empty office. “If he’s tied up, can we just leave him there?”

“It’s a thought.” A muffled shout came out of the closet. “Right. He knows we’re here , we should let him out if we ever want to graduate.” Xander pulled the handle, and there he found Giles and Snyder tied together, black bags over their heads. Xander pulled the bag off Giles’ head, and the glare subsided as he removed the gag. “Whoa, Giles, good to see you, how long have you been locked up?”

“More than a week, Xander, possibly two!” Giles spat the words out.

“And how long have you had this company?” Cordelia showed a distinct reluctance to approach Snyder whose muffled screams of “Let me out!” were increasing in frequency.

“The last two days. I assume the latest diabolical plans have swung into full gear?”

“I don’t think you’re wrong.” Xander found a letter opener on Snyder’s desk and began picking at the knots. Cordelia shut the door and took a look-out position, while Snyder’s fury continued.

“Oh will you shut up or else I will knock you out again!” Giles shouted, and Snyder simmered down some. “Do you know what we're facing?”

A small grin crept across Xander’s face. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. The Doctor said they’re called Krillitanes.”

Confused, Giles asked, “Krillitanes? And who is this ‘Doctor’?”

“Really cute alien guy. They’re off fighting the bat aliens with Buffy now.” Cordelia smiled. Snyder snorted, and Giles tilted his head.

“See, told you that you wouldn’t believe us.” Xander finished with the knots and the ropes fell free from the two men. Snyder ripped the bag off his head and the gag out of his mouth as Giles rose unsteadily to his feet.

“You’re telling me that bat aliens have taken over my school Harris?” The venom in Snyder’s voice made Xander want to take a step back.

“That’s right. And you hired them.” Cordelia stood between the principal and her boyfriend. “I can just imagine how much fun the PTA and the school board will have with this one. I know that my father’s going to be concerned.”

Snyder’s eyes shifted across the room, and he ran to his chair, pulling the phone off its cradle. “You’re insane. All of you. Ranting about bat aliens.” He dialed a number, but the line was dead. Thwarted, he replaced it.

“And you’d like to give us an alternative reason for why you and Giles were tied up together in the closet?” Xander pointed to the ropes, and Snyder blanched.

“Was it really necessary to go there?” moaned Giles.

Cordelia rolled her eyes, and leaned onto the desk. “Principal Snyder, if I were you, I would try to minimize the damage. Find your employees. All of your staff is missing, along with most of the teachers. Gonna be hard to control the student body without them.” She leaned further in. "I suggest you start with room 237." Snyder leaned away from her in his chair and finally gave her a curt nod.

Xander pulled her back, as Giles looked at her with newfound respect. “And on that note, we’re gonna go.” Xander motioned to Giles, and they headed out.

Cordelia smiled broadly. “Good luck with all this. We won’t mention the bondage if you won’t.”

Out of Snyder’s office, Giles pinched the bridge of his nose. “Are the faculty all really missing? Where’s Buffy?”

Xander began walking toward the math wing. “Yes, and off finding the big bad. We should meet up with Willow first. So what happened to you?”

“Oh, the traditional application of blunt object to the back of my head, woke up in the closet. Never got a good look at them.” Giles popped his neck. “Aliens you say?”

“Yeah, the latest twist in Hellmouth villains. And also in good guys, you’ll like the Doctor.”

“A little less so with the bottle blonde,” muttered Cordelia.

“Her name’s Rose, Cordy,” snapped Xander. “She’s human, but she’s been very nice and helpful.” The last part of the remark was directed at Cordelia, who only glared at Xander in return.

“Ah, I see.” Giles wiggled his toes in his shoes, letting circulation return and wishing that he had his glasses. He came to a halt outside a computer lab door. “Xander, I’m rather afraid that I’ve taken a worse knock than usual."

Xander stood next to him. “Oh, yeah. Forgot to mention that. The leader-guy took your form.”

“That’s why it took us so long to notice you were missing.” Cordelia shrugged. “Sorry about that.”

Giles watched his form through the window. “Quite all right.”


	15. The Nature of My Game

The Doctor took a protective step in front of the group as Lassa continued. “Think of it Doctor. With the paradigm solved, reality becomes clay in our hands. We can shape the universe, and improve it.”

Buffy snorted. “A whole universe of giant bats? Sorry, I’m gonna stick with my classic good looks.”

Lassa gave her a condescending smile. “Yes but for how long, Slayer? You assume that we’ll use this power for domination, but imagine the good we can do.”

The Doctor laughed disbelievingly. “What, by someone like you?”

“No, Doctor, by someone like you.” The Doctor took a step back. Willow, Rose, and Oz, who’d been edging towards the door, froze. “The paradigm gives us power, but you could give us wisdom. Imagine, pushing the old ones out of this dimension, the civilizations and lives that you could save. The victims of the demons’ petty wars, even your own people, Doctor. The Time Lords, guarding the universe from the chaos beyond, reborn.”

Buffy looked at the Doctor. “Don’t listen to him, it’s a trick.”

“The werewolf freed of his curse, and you, Slayer, you could have that normal life you always desired, the weight of the world of your shoulders. Perhaps with that vampire lover you’re hiding in that mansion, made whole and human, untortured by memories of his victims, or of the hell that you sent him to.”

Willow and Oz’s eyes widened. “Angel’s back?” gasped Willow. Buffy couldn’t bring herself to look at her.

Lassa addressed Rose. “You could remain with him for eternity, young and ageless. Their lives are so fleeting. So many goodbyes. How very lonely you must be Doctor. But unnecessarily so. Join us, and mend the universe.”

The Doctor’s voice came out dry and raspy. “I could save everyone.”

Lassa’s smile became nearly genuine. “Yes.”

“I could stop the war, get rid of the gods and demons.” He looked down at Buffy, then at Rose’s terribly young, terribly human face.

But Willow was shaking her head. “We have to change. We have to grow. Without the pain, without the loss, we’re not human.”

Buffy nodded. “No one should have that power. Things change, people die. I’ll always fight against it, but that kind of power, that’s wrong.”

Oz licked his lip and clutched Willow’s hand. “To everything there is a season. Everything ends.”

The Doctor looked at the teens who’d faced so much loss, for whom the answer so clear but so horrible. But Rose’s agonized expression told him all he needed to know. With a roar, he grabbed a chair and threw it across the room, smashing into the serve rack. Lassa ducked to avoid the chair. “Out!” screamed the Doctor, hustling the rest of them out the door.

They immediately ran into Xander, Cordelia, and someone who could only possibly be Giles. Buffy threw her arms around him in a hug, almost knocking him over. “What’s going on?” asked Xander.

Cordelia pointed down the hallway. “Are those our teachers?” The pack of Krillitanes stalked towards them.

“Yeah, sorry, run!” The Doctor took off in the other direction as everyone else followed him. Buffy pulled the knife she’d picked up the last night out of her belt, and brandished it at the Krillitane behind them, slashing its wing and causing it to let out a ghastly shriek. It lunged at her and she buried the knife in its eye, grabbed it by the talons, and threw it into its companions, barreling them backwards. She caught up to the others as they rushed into an empty classroom. The Doctor locked the door with the sonic screwdriver while Xander and Oz shoved a cabinet in front of it. Still, the shrieks and claws of the Krillitanes against the doors rattled on Buffy’s nerves as she panted and recovered.

“What now Doctor? I’m out of knives, and they’re angry.” She hobbled towards Giles while the Doctor paced.

“Those were aliens,” exclaimed Giles.

Willow nodded. “Yeah, it’s been a long week. We’ve missed you.”

“What do we know about these guys?” asked Oz.

“The look like giant bats,” supplied Xander.

“They’re fast and the claws are sharp,” provided Willow.

“Their breath is really bad,” mentioned Buffy. “Like bowels and Brut. I think they’ve been eating people.”

“The oil in the kitchens, they couldn’t touch it, one of the ladies got burned horribly when it spilled,” added Rose.

The Doctor grabbed his companion. “That’s right! The oil! The Krillitanes have evolved so rapidly, their own oil is toxic to them. How much was in the kitchens?”

“Barrels,” replied Rose and Xander simultaneously.

Everyone jumped at the sound of shattered glass, and claws began to scrabble through the crack between the door and the cabinet. Buffy moved to brace it.

“Okay, we need to get to the kitchens.” The Doctor bit his lip, looking at the rope burns on the librarian’s wrists. “Giles, nice to meet you, the real you, but how fast are you moving right now?”

A small smile crossed Giles’ face. “Not terribly fast, I’m afraid. And I’d really like to use a bathroom.”

Buffy shook her head. “He’s coming with me, wherever I go.” As Giles and the Doctor started to object, Buffy stamped her foot. “I just got you back, I am not letting you out of my sight now.”

“Right, we'll split up evenly. Xander, Cordelia, Willow, Oz, I need to you to get the students unplugged from the computers then. Get the doors open and evacuate the school.” He cast his eyes around. “How do we get the bats away from the door?”

Buffy shrugged, then pushed back against the cabinets as the aliens shoved at them. “I dunno, just hurry!”

“Bats you say?” Giles pushed off of the table and stumbled over to the wall, where he pulled the fire alarm. The struggles on the other side of the door stopped, and the wails of the Krillitanes pierced through the shrill ringing.

The Doctor smiled. “Nice. Now everyone run!” Buffy pulled the cabinet back and they all scrambled out the door.


	16. Code Monkey Like You

By the time the ringing cut out, Willow and the others had locked themselves inside of a classroom full of students, all completely zoned in to the paradigm code. Xander and Cordelia tried snapping and clapping in front of their faces, but to no avail.

“There must be another server running the program.” Willow looked around, but nothing in this classroom appeared to be a server. “Oz, take that free workstation, see if you can shut off the lock-down.” Oz nodded and slid behind the computer.

Cordelia threw her hands up in the air. “Well, short of flashing the guys, I’ve tried everything I can think of.”

“Could you try it?” Willow and Cordy both glared at Xander. Oz just quirked an eyebrow. “Maybe not.”

“Right. Okay, you two, I’m going to figure out a way to shut down the program. Even if Oz takes care of the central security, they’ve probably locked the gates. Go and see if you can find a way to get the gates open.”

Cordelia grabbed Xander’s hand. “We’re on it.”

Xander turned back at the door. “Be careful.”

“Yeah, you too.” Willow whimpered as she looked around. “If I were a master control server, where would I be?”

“Not in here,” muttered Oz.

“Yeah, that seems to be the case.” Willow looked over his shoulder. “How goes the security system?”

“Remarkably complex. Could definitely use a sonic screwdriver.” Oz turned his head towards her. “I’ll get it though. You should get on the server problem.”

“Right.” Willow frowned, then saw the cables leading out of the computers. “Gotcha.” Following the wires, she found a central plug leading into a small transformer. “If I short this out, it should take the rest of the school with it?”

Oz looked up. “Yeah, that should about do it.” He sat back down. “Give me five more minutes.”

Willow nodded, then snuck out to the bathroom across the hall. When she returned, she had a bucket full of water. “How are we doing?”

Oz slammed the return button down. “We’re good. Let’s go.”

Willow splashed the water onto the transformer, and there was a loud pop, a crackle of electricity, and a lot of smoke as all of the lights and computers winked off. “Ooh, cool.” The students pushed back from the desks in a daze.

Oz pointed and shouted. “Fire! Everyone get out!” Everyone began rushing out of the room, and Willow allowed herself a satisfied smile, but Oz grabbed her elbow and pointed again.

“Oh no, real fire, shoot!” Nearly slipping on the water, she and Oz fled.


	17. Out the Back Door

Xander used a fire extinguisher to break open one of the lobby windows. He cleared the glass off the edges, then offered Cordelia his hand. "After you, madame." After she daintily stepped through, he clambered out. They ran through the courtyard, then stopped short as they found Snyder at the gates.

Xander scowled. “Oh, not you again.”

Snyder turned on them in panic. “We’ve been locked in! I can’t find any of the teachers! My keys don’t work and the phones have been cut.” He palmed his face. “What do we do?”

Cordelia took Snyder's shoulders in her hands and gently shook him. “You. Hand me the keys. Sometimes it takes a woman’s touch.”

Snyder tilted his head at her. “Really?”

Cordelia gave him a warm smile and held out her hand. “Really.”

Snyder’s look turned suspicious. “I shouldn’t do this.”

“You also shouldn’t let your school fall under the control of a group of bat monsters, but do this one thing for me, and no one will ever need to know.” Cordy’s smile turned stony, and Snyder handed her the keys. “Thanks.” She turned to Xander. “Give me a boost. And no peeking!”

Xander helped push Cordelia over the fence. “What’s she doing?” demanded Snyder.

Her voice called over the wall. “These are for a ’91 Civic, right?”

Snyder’s eyes widened and he screamed back. “What? I own a ’91 Civic. What are you doing?”

Xander held down his bile long enough to place a comforting hand on Snyder’s shoulder. “I hope you’re not too attached. Cordelia has a way with cars.” At Snyder’s withering glance he withdrew the hand. “Still, if I were you, I’d step back.”

After a minute, the roar of a four cylinder engine grew closer, then crashed through the gates. Snyder blanched. “She’s going to have to pay for that.”

Xander smirked. “Probably time you upgraded anyway.” Cordelia reversed the engine and pulled off of the wreckage. “Now help me move these gates out of the way.” After a moment, Snyder began pulling at the twisted metal. Just as he and Xander finished clearing the path, students began pouring out of the building.

Cordelia returned, tossed the keys at Snyder, and insinuated herself under Xander’s arm. Xander kissed her cheek as their classmates rushed by. “I love it when a good plan comes together,” he growled.

Cordy held him a bit tighter. After a moment, she pulled away, pointing. “Is that smoke?”

They turned to each other. "Willow!"

Snyder hissed. "Summers!"

Xander shrugged and turned his palms to the air. "Okay, you've got us, the odds are about even."


	18. Chelsea Dagger

With Buffy under one of Giles’ arms and Rose under the other, the Doctor headed towards the kitchens. As they entered, the alarm bell cut off. Buffy looked back as she and Rose shrugged Giles off. “I really hope they decide to follow us.”

Giles leaned against a counter, panting. “Funny, not the thing I’m really hoping for right now.”

Rose showed the Doctor the barrels of oil. “It’s this stuff, in here.”

She handed him the sonic-screwdriver, which he pointed at the barrel. When it didn’t open, he slammed his fist on it. “Damn. They’re deadlock sealed!”

Rose watched him, confused. “Wait, no, the sonic-screwdriver can open anything.”

He let out a growl. “Anything but a deadlock seal.”

Buffy came over to join the conference. “What’s the problem?”

Rose scratched her head. “We can’t get the barrels open.”

“Oh, right.” Buffy gripped the lip of the barrel. “You two might want to step back.”

Rose’s eyes widened. “There’s just no way-” But with a metallic squeak, Buffy pulled the top clean off.

“How many barrels are we going to need?”

The Doctor shut his jaw with a click. “Well, uh- I mean- maybe two?” He couldn’t help but stare as she tore the second lid off.

“What are we doing with them? Should I just pull a Dorothy-Wicked Witch of the West- type thing?”

The Doctor and Rose looked at each other, arms folded. Rose nodded quickly. “Uh, yeah, that will do just fine.” They goggled while Buffy took a drum in each hand and positioned herself by the door.

Giles smiled weakly. “Buffy’s plans tend toward the simple, but effective.”

“I’m not simple!” Buffy yelled back. “I just like to make things easy,” she pouted.

The Doctor shook himself out of his shock. “You call ripping open a deadlock seal, then throwing around a couple hundred pounds of Krillitane oil easy?”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, I do. Slaying isn’t all about the high drama, y’know. Sometimes it’s about good old-fashioned ass kicking. Hand me that cleaver.”

Rose blinked at her, looked at the unbelieving Doctor, then grabbed the knife off the wall and handed it to Buffy. Rose took a chef’s knife for herself while Giles picked up a broom that he dipped in the oil. She offered a similar blade to the Doctor, who just shook his head.

The lead group of Krillitanes burst through the door, and Buffy threw the barrel, drenching seven of them, who shrieked and squealed in agony, melting into the floor. Two were only spattered, and Buffy swung the cleaver at aliens. Rose and Giles charged as the Doctor stood back, alarmed. When Buffy hacked off the first one’s head, while Rose and Giles held the other back, he grabbed a heavy pot and headed into the fray. “Buffy, next group’s coming!”

Buffy straightened out. “Thanks.” Dropping the cleaver, she grabbed the second barrel.

Lassa stood at its head, surveying the carnage. “You horrible, stupid girl!”

“Stop calling me stupid.” With a grunt, she splashed the second group with the oil, killing Lassa instantly, and mutilating the others. Hoisting the cleaver, she decapitated the other three, putting them out of their misery. Buffy turned around and saw Rose plunging her knife into the Krillitanes’ chest while Giles and the Doctor distracted it. The threat eliminated, Buffy slumped on the counter and dropped the cleaver.

“Are you okay?” asked Rose.

Buffy’s hair concealed her face. “I’m covered with Krillitane oil and Krillitane gore. None of which is ever going to come out.”

Rose looked at her own clothes, also covered in gore and oil. She and Buffy shared a look and a laugh.

Giles offered Buffy a hand and she stood. “Which means that you’re going to be fine. Apocalypse averted.” Giles frowned. “Was it an apocalypse this time?”

The Doctor shrugged. “Mmm, very well could have been the end of the world as we know it.”

Giles smiled. “Oh good. After spending two days tied to Principal Snyder, I was sort of hoping.” Buffy leaned into him, and together they hobbled towards the door.

Rose turned a glance at the Doctor. “You just attacked a giant bat with a sauce pot.”

The Doctor held up the offending implement, then tossed it on the counter. “Yes. Well, as I think Buffy just showed us, sometimes it’s smart to improvise. I’ve never seen you gut an alien with a knife before either. Very visceral.”

Rose bit her lip with a grin, placing the knife in a sink. “I think Buffy’s contagious.”

Throwing his arm around her shoulders, the two followed the Slayer and her Watcher. “Well, that’ll be useful the next time we run into a deadlock seal.”


	19. The Wise Cracks Won't Make You More Stable

The courtyard was chaos, students everywhere, the fire department working to douse the flames. Rose and the Doctor found Buffy and the rest huddled on the steps. The Doctor waved. “Ah, fine work everyone. Who started the fire?”

Willow raised her hand. “That would have been me.”

“I ran Principal Snyder’s car through the front gates!” said Cordelia with a grin.

Xander joined in. “Ooh, I smashed a window.”

Rose grinned. “This is everything I used to wish I could do to my school.”

Oz nodded. “One of these days we’ll really blow it up good.”

Snyder appeared then, sputtering in fury. “You!” he pointed at Buffy. “And you!” He turned to Cordelia. “And you!” he settled on Willow.

“And me!” The Doctor stuck his hands on his hips and swiveled on them. “What’s all this bluster about?”

“These- these miscreants have destroyed school property, and probably were responsible for the kidnapping and unlawful imprisonment of most of the faculty, not to mention the disappearance of twelve other members of our staff. This time, Summers, the expulsions are going to stick.”

The Doctor chuckled. “Oh I don’t think so. I think these students courageously stopped an attack by arsonists who’d previously disabled the fire alarm, and managed to warn and evacuate the entire student body.”

“And who exactly do you think you are to say all this, substitute?” The last word was spat out.

Rose saw the twinkle in the Doctor’s eye and stepped away from him. “Have you ever heard of U.N.I.T.?”

Snyder’s eyes narrowed. “No.”

“Marvelous bunch. One phone call, that’s all it will take. They’ll swarm into this town like locusts, and conduct a thorough investigation. Anyone they find complicit in this little ordeal, anyone who, say, harbored and hired an alien threat, endangering the lives of hundreds and the very existence of this planet, why, those kinds of people disappear. Quickly, quietly, and permanently.” The Doctor waved a hand in the air. “Who knows what other phenomena they’ll find in a town like this?” His voice lowered. “Sunnydale seems to like keeping a low-profile when it comes to its little… eccentricities. Do you really want to be responsible for bringing that kind of international attention here?”

Snyder stood very still. After a few long moments, he muttered, “The Mayor wouldn’t approve.”

“I had a feeling he might not.” The Doctor smiled, the fury in his eyes belying it. “So why don’t you offer your thanks to these heroes?” He pointed his head. “Go on, you know you can do it.”

Snyder muttered something that sounded like, “Nkyusmmrs,” before turning abruptly and marching away.

“Nice chap. Wonder why the Krillitanes didn’t just eat him?”

Rose snorted. “They were merciless, obviously.”

The Scoobies stared at the Doctor. “You made Snyder thank Buffy.” Willow’s mouth was agape.

Xander pinched himself. “I’ve been in a spaceship and I’ve watched Snyder thank Buffy. Did we get transported to some alternate universe?”

Giles looked the Doctor in the eye. “I think, sir, that you frighten me.” The Doctor looked away from the group. Buffy went to stand in front of him.

“You’re keeping our secret, right?”

“Is that what you want?” The Doctor drew his hand in a circle. “You fight in secret, alone, while these people ignore the dangers they face every night, dying.”

Rose came to his side. “The power here, we found it, we were drawn to it. The Krillitanes found it. There will be more. You could have help.”

Giles shook his head as Buffy sighed. “I have help. I had your help. Thank you.” She turned to the Doctor. “And thank you. We couldn’t have saved everyone without you both.”

Giles smiled. “Yes, she’s right. And we’ve all learned something new today. I think, Doctor, that we should have an exchange of information. After all, serendipity brought you here when we first faced an alien threat, we wouldn’t want to be caught off-guard when we face the next. And Buffy tells me you didn’t know of demons before you arrived, well, we have a wealth of information on them.” He went to remove his glasses before realizing he still didn’t have them. “We are none of us alone, Doctor. Even if we fight separately, we may still work together.”

The Doctor nodded. “I think that works.”

The weary group moved to leave the campus, all leaning on each other. Rose and the Doctor lingered behind, watching the aftermath unfurl. As the Sunnydale group moved ahead, Rose caught more whispers from them, this time of the Angel that Willow had mentioned, and wondered if the mysterious terrors of last spring were coming back to haunt them again. She squeezed the Doctor’s hand, he leaned on her, and they stepped forward.


	20. What Comes Is Better Than What Came Before

Angel melted into the shadows, away from the shouting that had less to do with him now and more to do with deeper issues, and slunk away to the garden. Buffy’s new friends sat by the stone pool, taking turns shattering the reflection of the moon with pebbles. “You have two heartbeats,” he murmured.

The two twisted around. The man’s twin hearts recovered their pace first. “And you don’t have any.” He sprung to his feet, putting on a pair of glasses and pulling a cylindrical object out of his jacket pocket that he pointed at Angel’s chest. “Unbelievable.”

The girl backed up to the pool, her pulse still rapid. “He doesn’t have the ridges like the ones in the cemetery.”

Angel tried not to flinch as the man continued to point the flashing light at him. “Come now, Rose, calm down, it’s clear this is the mysterious Angel.” He removed the glasses. “She’s in love with a vampire. Gotta love the universe.” The man held out a hand. “I’m the Doctor.”

Angel frowned, sniffing. “Do I — you seem familiar.”

It was the Doctor’s turn to frown, and he scratched his head. “Do I? From when? Time traveling, it can really make garden party introductions awkward.” He held a finger to his lips. “But don’t tell me, it ruins the fun.”

“But that would make you over two hundred years old,” said Angel.

The Doctor pointed at him. “And same to you. We're both looking pretty good for our ages.”

Rose guffawed. “But you dated Buffy. She’s only seventeen. That’s just weird.”

Angel eyed the two. “Really?”

They took an infinitesimal step apart.

Pursing her lips, Rose dared to move a bit closer to Angel. “So why’re you skipping out on the fireworks inside, shouldn’t you be in there sorting things out?”

“It’s easier without me there.”

Rose shrugged. “Easier on her or easier on you? “

Angel closed his eyes as he shook his head. ‘They’ll never forgive me. They shouldn’t. But they should forgive her.”

“What did you do, exactly, that’s so unforgivable?” The Doctor tone was droll while he looked at the screwdriver like it was lying to him. He shook it, held it to his ear, hit it against the palm of his fist, pointed it at Angel again, then just glared at it while he scanned and listened.

“I-“ the words felt like vomit at the back of Angel’s throat. “I killed. A lot of people,” he finally muttered.

“So have I.”

Angel’s eyes bugged out, his jaw ajar as he sought a reply. “Well... did you enjoy it?”

The Doctor straightened out his back, looking Angel in the eye. “No. Did you?”

“Yes,” said Angel. Rose recoiled from the horror in this admission.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “No you didn’t. Why are you surrounded by an energy field?”

“Huh?” Angel tilted his head.

“Sociopaths don’t regret afterwards. They justify. You’re in agony. And, also, surrounded by an energy field.” He adjusted the screwdriver. “Really, more of a cage. I’d say that’s what’s keeping you animated, y’know, in lieu of aerobic respiration and a heartbeat, but those other vampires didn’t have one, well, not one like this. So what is it?”

“It’s a soul.” The sound of Buffy’s voice made Angel flinch and Rose jump. The Doctor just quirked an eyebrow as Buffy emerged from the mansion. “That’s what makes him different than other vampires. It’s a cage keeping the soul in.”

“A soul?” The Doctor screwed up his face, but Buffy just nodded, and the Doctor scowled. After a moment of chewing the inside of his cheek, he eyed both Buffy and Angel. “Cages have doors.”

“Doors have locks,” replied Buffy.

“Locks have keys,” countered the Doctor.

Buffy’s gave a small smile. “Yeah.” She took Angel’s hand in hers.

The Doctor nodded, and Rose wondered what he’d understood. She found herself inching closer to him as he grinned and whispered to Buffy, “Keep it,” while the rest of the gang filtered into the garden.

Buffy looked back at them. “We’re all settled here.” Thin lips among certain members of the Scoobies belied this, but Buffy continued anyway. “We just wanted to thank you for all of your help again. Thanks.” She gave the Doctor a hug while he gasped, but then hugged back. After she let go, Willow gave him a much gentler squeeze. He was nearly as taken aback by Cordelia’s embrace, but when he saw how much Rose appreciated Xander’s, he held Cordelia a few seconds extra. Buffy and Rose hugged, while handshakes exchanged among the rest.

Rose and the Doctor stood by the TARDIS doors, framed by the jasmine. “So, back to saving the world, keeping the demons at bay, and passing your literature classes?”

“It’s worked for us so far,” said Oz.

“Well, the literature thing-“ started Xander, but Cordelia pushed a discreet heel on his foot, and he stopped.

“Where are you two off to?” asked Willow.

“Oh, could be anywhere,” said Rose. “It could be Ancient Rome, or a distant planet, or even a spaceship.” She grinned as Xander and Willow’s eyes lit up.

The Doctor pushed the doors open. “Let us know if you ever fancy a trip.” Now their eyes were likes saucers. Even Oz had to stop himself from taking a step forward.

Giles cleared his throat. “Graduation first." He smiled. "But in case of demon and alien threats, how do we flag you down?”

Stopping, the Doctor pulled his screwdriver. “Any of you have a mobile?” A field of blank stares greeted him. “A mobile — oh hell, what do you say in the States — oh, right, a cell phone, that’s the one.”

“I’ve got one.” Cordelia pulled hers out of her purse.

Xander poked Giles. “You’re still British, right, aren’t you supposed to translate for us?”

“I hate those blasted things, and do shut up.”

Xander folded his arms and nodded to Rose. “He’s still British.” She grinned.

“Here you go. Just dial that number, anywhere you are, any time, we’ll get the message.” The Doctor tossed the phone to Cordelia. “And now, I’m afraid we’re off.”

Rose waved and stepped inside. “Take care of yourselves.”

“If you don’t let the apocalypse happen, we won’t either,” called back Willow.

“Bye!” The doors shut with a click. Engines whirred, and for a moment, Buffy could see the tiny jasmine flowers as a field of stars stretching off forever into the distance. Then the TARDIS was gone. Buffy eyed the phone in Cordelia’s hand, and tightened her grip on Angel’s.

Well, gone for now, anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And that's it. Thanks again to Winterd, for having this marvelous idea, and to all of the loyal reviewers who kept me inspired and happy and kept me honest with my Doctor Who trivia. You know who you are. I loved this story, and I hope you did too. _
> 
> Oh, and if you didn't notice, all of the chapter titles from three on came from songs I was listening to while writing. For copyright purposes, and also because it makes a pretty good soundtrack for the story, here they are:
> 
> 3 - Gary Jules "Mad World"  
> 4 - The Weakerthans "Bigfoot"  
> 5 - The White Stripes - "We're Going to Be Friends"  
> 6 - Powerman 5000 - "When Worlds Collide"  
> 7 - Modest Mouth - "3rd Planet"  
> 8 - David Bromberg - "Bullfrog Blues"  
> 9 - Hot Hot Heat - "Get In or Get Out"  
> 10 - Filter "One"  
> 11 - The Who "A Quick One While He's Away"  
> 12 - Liam Finn "Lead Balloon"  
> 13 - R.E.M. "Pop Song 89"  
> 14 - David Bowie "Suffragette City"  
> 15 - Rolling Stones "Sympathy for the Devil"  
> 16 - Jonathan Coulton "Code Monkey"  
> 17 - Jesca Hoop "Out the Back Door"  
> 18 - The Fratellis "Chelsea Dagger"  
> 19 - The Shins "Pressed in a Book"  
> 20 - Cat Power "I Found a Reason"
> 
> -MM


End file.
